What men are doing: As men who want to address violence, we are challenging cultural assumptions about how men and women should behave in sexual relationships. This work starts with understanding masculinity.

Masculinity is a set of cultural beliefs and ideals about being a boy or a man. Currently, many societal messages about “being a man” contribute to unhealthy relationships. People do not understand sexual consent, or they feel uncertain about their role in getting consent to sexual activity.

Movies and television often show men as sexually aggressive and women as passive sexual objects. Men and boys do not have to push sexual limits to be “manly.” Traditional gender norms and stereotypes trap people, impacting their identity and their behavior. Many masculinity models see sex as something for men to win or take. At the same time, women and girls are taught that sex is something that needs to be protected. Men are supposed pursue sex persistently, while women are supposed to resist sexual advances.

These stereotypes from movies and television are wrong. Believing them or following them in relationships can be harmful to all genders.

Consent is an active choice. Consent is an ongoing, clear, and enthusiastic yes! For a simple and clear explanation of consent, check out this video. Consent can be explained with a cup of tea.

Intimate partnerships need significant trust and respect for the relationship to be healthy. Supportive communication, shared decision-making, and a solid foundation of respect and honesty also reduces conflict and promotes a healthy relationship.

Caring for children is also great for men’s emotional well-being! The opportunity to bond with a child has many far-reaching benefits. Fathers are important for children. Children can interpret a father’s absence as their own failure, so being present and spending time with our children is significant. Children need and crave positive parental involvement.

Parenting can be challenging across all stages of a child’s development. While it is more socially acceptable for women to access formal and informal parenting supports, it is important fathers have help too. We want men to know it is always okay to ask for help. As men have become more involved in parenting, men need access to parenting supports.
Seeking support or advice isn’t admitting failure. It is a sign of strength. It is a recognition that everyone can always learn and do better.

There are many ways to father your child:

• An engaged father organizes their child’s doctors’ appointments, takes them to appointments, arranges for a babysitter, buys school supplies and clothes, and makes sure teeth get brushed even when their child doesn’t want to cooperate. Parenting isn’t always easy.
• A remembering father regularly thinks about their child. He remembers the important events in his child’s life and makes an effort to be there.
  A nurturing father feeds their child, gives them a bath, and reads to them or tells them stories.
• An affectionate father regularly gives their child hugs and kisses, and lets them know they are loved. Affectionate fathers aren’t afraid to say “I love you,” and they know their child can never hear it too often. They know that children who feel secure and loved are more likely to have positive relationships as adults.
• An interactive father plays with their child and communicates with them, sharing ideas and positive emotions. He realizes that good communication in childhood can pave the way for good communication in the future.
• A provider/protector father does his best to make sure his family has everything they need, including nutritious food, a warm home, and safety. He also does his best to support his child’s emotional well-being.

As men who want to support fathers, we can point out when we see people, communities, workplaces, or businesses refer to “mothers” when they mean “parents.” Excluding fathers from signage and programming for parents makes it appear there is an expectation that only mothers parent their children. We can challenge these representations. For example, we can request local businesses install changing tables in men’s washrooms. We can point out instances where items branded for mothers could be rebranded “for parents,” as this man did.

What men are doing: As men who want to address violence, we challenge harmful attitudes. We understand that gender equality is essential to a fair and just society. Addressing the cultural and social norms that support violence is an important part of preventing family violence. These norms are found in all areas of community life: schools and colleges, religious organizations, politics, workplaces, the media, and more.

We can:

• Speak up when someone tells a sexist joke. Discourage sexist language and encourage respect for everyone. We can object if someone speaks in a demeaning way about an individual, or about women, girls, or gender-diverse people.
• Help other men to understand the effect of violence against all women.
• Share materials on social media that promote respect for women and girls. Do not share materials that promote gender stereotypes or violence.
• Volunteer with groups working towards gender equality. Ask how men can help or what role we can play.
• Promote programs for gender equality, including the White Ribbon Campaign, school-based programs about healthy relationships and gender roles, and bystander intervention programs.
• Object when anyone is trying to keep abuse of a family member a secret. Hiding abuse puts victims at greater risk of harm and death.
• Report abuse if we have reason to believe abuse is happening. Keep reporting until someone takes the abuse seriously.
• Report any suspected child abuse or child neglect to Child Protection Services. Child abuse includes witnessing family violence in the home. All adults have a legal obligation to report any suspicions of child abuse. Click here for information on reporting suspected child abuse.
• Report any abuse of older adults. If we suspect an older adult is being harmed it is important to share that information with Adult Protection Services. Click here for information on reporting suspected abuse of a vulnerable adult.

What men are doing: As men who want to address violence, we are actively involved in violence prevention and we are encouraging other men to join us. We know that success depends on everyone working on violence prevention, including people whose behaviour is abusive or violent, people who have experienced violence, service providers, governments, community groups, the media, and average citizens.

As a team, we must encourage men and boys to intervene when they see or hear things that perpetuate gender-based violence. We must encourage those who behave violently to stop abusive behaviour and to seek services that will support this change.

What men are doing: As men who want to address violence, we are actively redefining masculinity. Masculinity is a set of beliefs and ideals around being a boy or a man. This can include positive concepts such as strength, assertiveness, independence, and courage. However, these positive traits become limiting when men are expected to only display these qualities, at the expense of all other characteristics.

For example, the expectation to show strength can result in difficulty showing feelings of vulnerability and weakness. The expectation that men are independent can lead to men being reluctant to show their true feelings and to ask for help when they need it. As men, we can play a critical role in redefining masculinity to include more ways of being and acting in the world.

Family violence is linked to rigid gender roles and gender expectations within the community and the family. Men can address gender inequality in various ways. We can:

• Think about policies and programs using a gender lens. For example, how will a particular program or policy affect people differently? Will the impact be different for women, mothers, single mothers, or low-income mothers, versus men, fathers, single fathers, or low-income fathers? How will it affect parents who are gender diverse?
• Re-examine the expected role of men in relationships. Be critical of traditional definitions of masculinity. For example, when someone asks a father if he is “babysitting,” respectfully challenge the idea that men only “help out” with parenting. A man looking after his child is parenting.
• Challenge the belief that family violence is private. Family violence is a community problem and requires community responses.

While the roles of mothers and fathers are changing, women still bear an unequal load of family responsibilities. The unequal division of labour at home has negative impacts on women’s employment. There are many ways to encourage gender equity in employment and the workplace. We can:

• Explore taking parental leave when a new child joins the family. We can encourage other men to take parental leave too. While this isn’t possible for everyone, it can be an option for some. If parental leave is not available in your workplace, you can work to make parental leave available.
• Reframe childcare as a shared parenting responsibility rather than a woman’s responsibility. Both parents should be responsible for child care and for arranging for childcare.
• Develop family-friendly employment policies and practices. For example, we can reduce overtime requirements, improve scheduling of shifts, allow flexible work schedules, provide leave for parents when children are sick, and other measures. Currently, parents may have to change jobs if they cannot balance parenting responsibilities with work expectations.
• Support pay equity in all workplaces. Pay equity means equal pay for equal work, no matter your gender, race, ability, or other characteristics.

What men are doing: As men who want to address violence, we promote the message that being a good competitor includes being a leader in equality and violence prevention. An example of this can be seen here.

Male athletes and coaches have a lot of influence on male sports culture. When we coach or play sports, we can model respectful relationships with our peers. Athletes look to coaches and peers to teach them the skills needed to succeed. We can take these opportunities to be positive role models for men and boys.

Men also have influence as fans and consumers of professional sports. When sports teams or leagues fail to address family violence committed by coaches or athletes, we can withdraw our support as fans or boycott tickets and merchandise.

As male coaches and athletes, we can encourage and support boys to become strong, respectful, and nurturing family members. We can reject sports metaphors being applied to sex, such as “scoring,” or “getting to home base.” Men can speak up when we hear harmful comments about sexual conquests. Engage Men: Coaching Boys into Men“Locker room talk” is crude talk, often involving bragging about sexual activity. We can challenge the idea that “locker room talk” is a normal part of being a man or boy. We can also reject sexist insults such as “he throws like a girl.”

For more information on the role of a good competitor, check out the U.S. organization, Futures without Violence, which developed a program called Coaching Boys into Men. They have a toolkit and training programs for coaches and institutions. ESPN’s Outside the Lines sometimes deals with issues like sexism and violence as well.